Writing a blog for 2020 was the last thing on my to do list for the year but I adopted a new kitten last week and was poorly so thought ach na, where do I even begin on this year, I will leave it to maybe the beginning of 2021.
But hey, I am poorly again this week and someone I have been listening and reading the perspective of this year, David Jubb said recently that he writes to make sense of things so as I lie here a little bored I will give making sense of this year a try…
Work ethic in the Arts is probably one of the things that has been laid bare for me the most this year, not just my own work ethic and how hard I work but that of so many of my freelancer colleagues and friends. We just all work so damn hard all of the time. I feel like I have possibly worked harder this year than many other years.
Working hard in itself is not a bad thing, both of my parents were grafters so I have grown up around that positive model.
But if you feel often like the hard work is not valued and the progress may not always match the effort, it can become a form of firefighting and changes into very negative and difficult territory to sustain working hard for so long, across so many years. It is the same in many jobs outside of the Arts too though.
And if also much of that hard work often does not equate financially it can bring about endless juggling of trying to secure scraps of funds leaving one feeling deeply exhausted. Thankfully though and at long last, this year in the Arts has shone a very bright light on the inequality, unfair systems of the distribution of funding, bad behaviours, bias and bad attitudes within the Arts stemming many new conversations leading to real empowerment, with room for real positive change across the sector.
Many of us working in the Arts love our jobs, I for one do and must or I would have walked away a very long time ago. In fact, I have tried to walk away a number of times across 25 years but the thing is, I really really care you see. I was invested in to train in London and that training cost a lot of money so I feel a weight of responsibility too. But I also understand the power of the Arts for saving lives and creating positive and societal change. I care about making art and sharing art, about my audience and community having equal access to Art and I care about supporting younger in age and career artists so I am always pulled back in to the Arts.
It has become very clear this year that many freelancers and indys often feel patronised by some who seem to be a little confused about the Arts and what Artists do and that comes from within the arts as well as outside. Those who think that because Artists love what they do it can’t be that hard to do it and to make art. Or because Art would be a hobby for them that it must be a hobby for Artists so surely Artists can just manage and deliver large scale community projects that takes expertise and skill, months and months and years and years of listening and building trust within communities and with participants and organisations. To just magically create that piece of work voluntarily with zero cash and out of thin air.
That just is not going to happen and it is time for folks to change their thinking. I think it is a respect thing, a respect for the Arts and for Artists. Or rather a lack of respect for the Arts and Artists and a lack of care and knowledge too for everyone involved.
I am thinking a lot about all of the free conversations and coffees and consultations I have generously given over the years to others and though not always the case, for many it does sometimes feel like folks want to talk to us so that they can work out which direction they and or their organisation need to go in and we are rarely actually commissioned as a result of those consultations. But our ideas are often taken and used.
If you’re in any doubt, this behaviour is really not nice and it is noticed big time, hello, we are not stupid, we see you robbing our ideas! We talk a lot amongst ourselves about freelancers ideas being robbed in the Arts.
My non freelance friends and friends in other sectors ask me often, how I can bare to do what I do and they all say that they would never do their salaried jobs if they had to continuously apply for their wages or if they felt unvalued. Yeah it is hideous indeed isn’t it!!
A colleague wrote to me this year “thank you for sharing your creativity so generously”. A heartfelt compliment from a lovely and kind person and Artist and I took it as a compliment. But this year being the year it has been for our sector, it seemed to hang about my head and I have thought about this statement such a lot and I realise the compliment landed differently for me this year.
I know I am very honest and open creatively, you have to be open and honest if you want to be a brilliant collaborator and I do share ideas and dreams willingly, it is one of my skills. But unfortunately this year, I do feel my openness and honesty has really been tested or maybe I have just become more aware and conscious of it this year with having extra time on my hands and having to navigate this very challenging climate. I have battled in my own head that maybe I should not be so open and generous with my creativity and ideas but of course that won’t happen and I will continue to be open and transparent because that is who I am and that is what makes me the Artist and person that I am. But the openness does need to feel equal so everyone is being open and sharing and often that is just not the case. I think not being open and transparent are all what is wrong in our sector.
That said though, after the year we have had in the Arts and all the positive change that many of us are fighting to make, boundaries are going to have to change to reflect the learning of 2020 and I am going to have to be much more protective as to who gets to access my openness, my energy and my ideas for free. I will also be splitting my personal and work life much better.
My mind is no longer going to be available to be mined for free by everyone and anyone that comes along. If you love my energy and ideas as much as some say and clearly often do then it is time to approach me and other artists and freelancers differently. You must be transparent and ask us individually and directly what we need to be able to provide you with what you need. Because we all have different needs as Artists and as humans, it is not a one blanket fits all because neither is our work like that.
I have worked in the Arts for 25 years, locally, regionally and internationally and I have led on small to large scale projects and am a very experienced collaborator, so, access to my perspective and knowledge is going to have to be better valued if you want it.
And if 2020 has helped me put a full stop on the end of these thoughts and that sentence then I am deeply grateful.
Reflecting on this year, I unfortunately fell through the cracks for freelance financial support and with all of my commissions, residencies, international and regional work on hold since March, it is easy to work it out, so has my income been on hold. I truly understand and empathise on many things as a result of losing my work and income this year. It has been very very scary at times.
In January (feels an endlessly long time ago) we were able to offer some R&D and a Residency at our Art House in Dundee to Hope London, a New York Artist who is based in Scotland. I started a new collaboration with Hope on her project exploring transgender, working title; “Engineering Cloie”. This is a really exciting collaboration and Hope is a beautifully diverse and open Artist with many skills.
In February I undertook the first stage of R&D on my commission with Theatre Absolute at their very special Shop Front Theatre Space in Coventry. I spent the week hanging out in Residence in their space as they have commissioned me to create a new one on one work for their “Humanistan” provocation. My new work for them was supposed to premiere in October this year but obviously it has not.
In March I spent a lot of time panicking to try to reschedule and save all of the work I had lined up for 2020, some of which has taken years to develop and build up. But by the end of March I realised that through healthy communication and strong creative relationships, I was going to be able to ‘save’ all of my work with the folks I am working with.
This was a beautiful realisation for me, not only that I would be able to postpone my works but also that I was clearly aligned with the right, great and kind people in my industry. Special thanks to independent Artists, Chris O’Connel and Julia Negus of Theatre Absolute for all they do and all their care above and beyond what they need to.
Locally in my very limited spare time I have been researching Dundee’s Creative Sector painfully slowly for 4 years unfunded since moving back home with my family, so that I can work out where to place my expertise and skills locally in my City. I am falling back in love with Dundee with fresh eyes having been away for so long. Living somewhere is very different to visiting and I have missed the unique humour, sometimes brutal honesty and very special loyalty of my fellow Dundonian.
I decided to reach out to apply for Creative Dundee’s Fabric programme this year, focusing on my research in my application, where I explained that I had been researching Dundee’s Creative Sector and that I was keen to take part in the programme to get deeper reach within communities and to meet others working in the Creative Sector and across other sectors in Dundee.
I thought long and hard about applying as I already have a lot of leadership experience, just not in Dundee, but I am always open to new learning and to meeting new folks. Fabric is also an unpaid creative leadership programme with quite a hefty commitment required from the participants across months so as a freelancer who works in the creative sector, not paying people didn’t sit comfortably with me. But in the end, fully understanding this, I decided to take part in the programme. The programme “aims to build a collective intelligence with around 20 participants for Dundee’s thriving creative sector and requires to be driven by people who are actively interested in driving the direction of the city.”
I enjoyed understanding more what Creative Dundee do and who they are and to having a new group of people to meet and connect digitally with monthly during the first lockdown. I learned a lot about many different things during the programme and I met some really lovely kind and interesting folks.
In April, deep in my loss, I thought a lot about creativity and I realised that I never suffer from creative block. I am a super creative person wth a very creative life and I was starting to go around the twist with no outlet for my creativity so I decided to begin a new idea that was rolling around my head.
Lack of representation is a real problem in Theatre and the Arts in general, we tend to hear a lot of the same voices. So I reached out to invite anyone and everyone who might fancy responding to the provocation of the ‘sound of your voice’ in ’isolation’ to get in touch. I also approached folks whose work I am interested in. My only definite was that anyone was welcome and everyone would be included and that the process was what was important with no focus on an outcome. I felt a desperate need to hear as many perspectives and voices as I could in the thick of uncertainty of the time. It became an epic listening project that I am so very thankful I did. The idea resulted in me being in conversation with around 30 different voices from across 10 Countries. Just amazing and enriching and honest and inspiring! We are slowly working out what to do with all of the wonderful conversations and submissions of voices from that time.
The rest of the year has been a mixture, from basic survival to mentoring some local young folks who unknowingly mentored me right back, to having time to learn and listen about new things, to trying to remain visible in my sector and community for anyone who might need me and for myself to have conversations and to keep plugged in to what is going on in the Arts.
Also as an Artist who is based in Scotland but trained in London and work a lot outside of Scotland regionally and internationally particularly the last 10 years, I decided maybe this was the time for me to reach back out to some of the folks who I had not spoken to, or who I had simply lost touch with many years ago in Scottish Theatre. Some were responsive and some were not and that’s okay.
At the same time I was part of many vital crisis conversations as to how we can create a fairer arts for everyone and it was very inspiring and empowering to hear so many talk so openly and honestly and at times rawly and emotionally about their perspective of our sector. Access to these kinds of conversations this year has been a game changer, fairer access to many things this year has been a game changer but that is another blog.
And I seemed also not to be able to get enough of hearing perspectives of Artistic Directors and leaders of Buildings/Orgs as well as all of my freelance and indy comrades.
I think by doing that mix of important listening, it gave me a clearer understanding of the Artists I feel my values most align with and which AD’s and Leaders were visible and open during this really difficult year and which ones were not. It also helped me focus on the kind of leader I am and want to be more like going forwards.
After this really difficult year, I’ve decided I really only want to be around artists and leaders who value and understand the complexities of what freelance Artists do. Who understand ALL of what we do and juggle, so from understanding the conditions we need to create our own work, communicate with Buildings and Organisations to the very different set of conditions we need to work in and with Communities and the time and care, planning and invisible work that goes into all of it.
One of the most resonant and inspiring things I heard this year during a talk to around 200 Directors during lockdown was, I am paraphrasing but something like, “Artists and community practitioners are the doctors, surgeons and nurses of the sector and it is time they are listened to, valued and respected as such”.
I only want to work with humans who value me and my fellow freelancers and indy’s like that and me them and hearing that perspective was so very refreshing and hopeful!
I am aware that this blog is very freelance/indy perspective heavy because that is the place I come and make from. But I do lead my own independent space here in Dundee too and I am aware that there are many many salaried workers within the Arts who also care deeply about our sector and want to create a fairer sector for all but unfortunately my experience is that those folks are in the minority.
Consider this, do you think you are better than me and you value me less, because you have a salaried role in the Arts and I do not? Is what you earn what makes you think you are more important or more powerful than me?
I choose to be independent in my work and in my thinking, it is a choice not to be aligned to one Building, one set of systems and thinking and should I choose to, I probably could do a salaried role and a salaried leadership role in a Building very well, bringing years of experience, fresh perspective and versatility with me.
I also choose to make work for one audience at a time this last 10 years because I fully value and understand the power in it for me and my one audience member - it is slow, beautifully painfully slow but the learning is fast and deep for both and our understanding of humanity together immeasurable.
Someone also said this year that despite the creativity of the sector, the way we run buildings and organisations really is not very creative. I really agree with that thought, it is long overdue for change in how we structure leadership in Buildings and Organisations within the Arts. I also think that some folks who have only ever worked in the Arts or Theatre can be dangerous and toxic towards the positive change required for our sector to move forwards in to being fairer and more equal and inclusive for ALL.
I look forward to 2021, it will be different and I will be different. It is okay to set clear boundaries, to change the access codes and it is definitely okay to put ourselves first and to value our many varied skills we have as freelancers. It has been a very hellish year for us all but I am going to try and let the legacy of this year be positive on me.
I am going to be using social media differently, though I do find it to be a deeply inspiring place when used correctly it can also often feel like an abyss, like I am tweeting or posting to myself.
I am also ever hopeful that I will get a lot of the work I have in development across the finishing lines.
I will also continue to write long emails to people, this is a little in joke but my good friend said that my long emails are valuable and rare because not many care like me and long emails are a sign of care so that is it decided - I will keep caring and continue to write long emails to people.
I am also going to take my own mentoring advice and if something feels good I will give it more attention and if it doesn’t feel good I will give it less attention.
My work focus will turn to a new voluntary job in Dundee I will begin early in the New Year, a job that some of my local research these 4 years has brought me to, yikes!
I am also excited about delivering a new work I have created. Hulltoon Space Hopper is the first part in a trilogy of local works and is a free live journey through the neighbourhood I am from in Dundee. It is a creative conversation with my audience, It invites my one audience to be heard and to be a part of co-creating positive change together. It is an experiment like all of my work, an experiment that I am unsure of how it will go but I have been deep listening for a long time and I have considered a lot of local feedback over the years and more specifically in the time this project has been delayed, so lets go. I am excited to get going with you on changing the world!
I am unsure of much past that but I do hope to go on to co-create parts 2 and 3 of my local work and I really hope to make it to Coventry as part of Humanistan and to New York and Hong Kong with work and a very secret location at the moment but we will just have to wait and see, my crystal ball is playing up…
I am very thankful for the time this year has given me to focus all of my attention on making and listening and engaging locally with my City instead of always snatching time. Also very grateful for the new relationships and the people who have listened to me and shared with me and who offer their support and who want to collaborate.
Despite the year we have all had in the sector, I feel very fortunate to be at the place I am at with my work. I feel content and the place I am at is a place where I want to support others and hold space for others and let their voices be heard, because I am exhausted and tired of the sound of my own voice.
Artistic Director, Tarek Iskander tweeted recently about what we value compared to the qualities that we should actually value in our sector and also who should care about what he says. I care about about what he says. I think he has one on the most interesting perspectives I have listened to this year and I feel exactly the same as him, who should care what I say or write too especially when I blog but my blogs are as much for me as they are for anyone who may read them.
Thank you to so many who stepped up this year, thank you for your care and brilliance, you are the light in our sector who help us all to feed the care out and onwards. And to those who did not step up and who seem not to care, well, it was not a surprise but still disappointing all the same.
Peace and love and care to all and here’s to 2021 bringing with it a brand new fire.
And now, a big big big long rest….
Sharron X